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Random #20 |
April 3, 2006 |
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Don't Believe What You Read in the
Paper |
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Random #17 |
August 28, 2005 |
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Written On A [Used]
Plate with a Black Sharpie |
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It's not a baby, it's a
glow-worm. Does it have batteries in it? It's remarkable,
really, that some people are such whores. Seriously, this is a man
(a boy, really) who thinks he's a man, but he's more of a penis-less
machine with no parts at this point. It's sad when one thinks
about it. A boy, before his pine, with strange ideas and point,
but lacking the dears of reproduction. I feel sorry for he who
lacks the mans of procreation. For he has not the joy of
ejaculation nor of copulation and he will never show his love for man,
woman or child. He has no comcept of what is real, what is not,
and what is "maybe." C-major is cool. It is the standard.
She asks "[unreadable]," but the answer is unknown to me. They
tell me that it is the rambling of the drunk, but really it is the work
of pure genius. |
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Random #16 |
August 15, 2005 |
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Guess Who? [And
Then Vomit] |
Random
Comment? |
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You should be afraid of this. Really. We certainly are.
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Random #15 |
July 5, 2005 |
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Sonic's Second Dream |
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So I was laying in my
bed sleeping when I woke up and heard a great big ruckus in my living
room. My door was open, so I could see what was going on out there.
Basically in fast motion horror film fashion, my roommate was storming
around in my living room screaming. I was terrified! Then just as
quick, she stopped in my doorway, and had a sharp pointed object in her
hand. It looked like a high heeled shoe that had a knife for it's
heal. As I saw her appear in the doorway, my perception shifted to
where I was looking at [Ginseng in my bed] And as she lunged at the
bed, I woke up sweating and I screamed, "ANDREW!!!" I then looked
around and realized that I was dreaming and felt like a total ass hole.
Luckily, my girlfriend hadn't slept over that night, or she would have
thought that I was having a sexual dream about you.
That's it. don't be
afraid. |
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Random #13 |
April 18, 2005 |
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O.V. Bows to K.W.S. |
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As many
of you found out the hard way, OttO Vector's 4-15-05 show at The
Underground (Toledo, OH) was cancelled at the last-minute. We have nothing but
empathy for the abundance of frustrated citizens who have contacted us
about this mishap. Trust us- we're as jilted as the next poor slob!
Here's what went down:
Late Friday afternoon, the booking agent from The Underground contacted
OttO Vector with an urgent message: "The show is cancelled." The
fellow, though irate at the circumstances, was powerless to avert the
cancellation. Apparently,
Kenny Wayne
Shepherd was to play upstairs at the Club
Bijou Theater that evening (both venues are in the same building and are
under the same management- for those familiar with Detroit's St.
Andrew's Hall/The Shelter…same deal). Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd (a name
that commands spoken/read/typed respect) demanded that the entirety of
The Underground be reserved as his "private dressing
room/palace-of-'me'-time." Keep in mind that The Underground has a 300+
capacity, so one might deduce that Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd (respect the
name!) must own a fair amount of garments and personal, hand-picked
slaves and concubines. If Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd's most humble
request could not be met, then he would kindly depart the establishment
in lieu of greener and more understanding pastures. Despite the best
efforts and protests of our contact at The Underground, the
establishment caved to the whims of Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd and sent
the peoples of four insignificant and inconsequential bands packing.
In all
honesty, OttO Vector is not bitter about this sequence of events. Not
one iota. We're smart enough to realize that we can't compete with the
cash flow generated by a demigod superstar ("Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd"),
and the club management acted in the financial interest of their
establishment. We also understand fully that unsigned bands don't
deserve or merit any respect, courtesy or consideration. Since Mr.
Kenny Wayne Shepherd ("Jesus Christ") is unquestionably a divine being
spawned from the Almighty loins of the Blues God, he simply wouldn't
have any concept of teensy-weensy lesser-being peons fighting for their
fair share. OttO Vector certainly doesn't begrudge Mr. Kenny Wayne
Shepherd ("The Chosen One") for merely upholding his God-given (and
well-deserved) station of power and glory. After all, he has direct
orders from The Supreme Center of The Universe to simply exist as the
one true symbol of Perfection for the rest of the sad and lonely spittle
which we call humanity. OttO Vector will wholeheartedly take it
in the a$$ for Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd (the inspired namesake for the
popular Gaelic cuisine, Shepherd's Pie), and we'll cherish every
last sweet agonizing second of Blessed defilement.
We at
ottovector.com realize that not everybody shares our newfound adoration
of Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd ('da pimp), and some might even find our
stance to border on blasphemy. Everybody is certainly entitled to their
opinion, and we have the utmost respect for those who choose other
avenues of faith. For those who may disagree with OttO Vector's
position, please feel free to contact Mr. Kenny Wayne Shepherd ("the
Creator") and
share your
thoughts with His Royal Majesty on the subject…and then
CC
a copy to OttO Vector so that we may commence our penance. |
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Random #12 |
January 6, 2004 |
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American Sonic |
Random
Comment? |
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This photo was forwarded
to us some time ago, taken sometime in mid-October 2004. What you
are seeing is Sonic singing Wind Beneath My Wings (no joke)
Karaoke, at an EXTREMELY ALL-ages graduation (at a Moose Lodge) for The
General.
It's a shame we don't have the accompanying audio... |
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Random #11 |
December 16, 2004 |
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From Sonic To Ginseng |
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Just an interesting
tid bit, I had a dream last night that some bald dude in a bar the whole
band was at was making fun of us. So you jumped at him, kissed the back
of his head, smacked his ass, and said "What now mother f*cker?" He
then tried to hit you with his pool cue and you proceeded to beat the
living sh*t out of him. It was weird because in my dream you were
beating this dude for like ever? It was awesome. I can't wait to see
you beat someone's ass some day. Just a random thing that I thought
about when I woke up. Later. |
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Random #9 |
November 9, 2004 |
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Sunset |
Random
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At the end
of a sunny day
you may see some
bright beams of light
over the horizon, for it
is the sun going to sleep. |
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Random #7 |
October 24, 2004 |
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Passing The
Notepad/Berry Vodka/Cold Mashed Potatoes: A Graduation Story |
Random
Comment? |
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What
the f#ck is that smell?! It makes the hair on the back of my thighs
stand on end. The [UNINTELLIGIBLE] in my throat burns worse than the
clap. I slapped the clap so hard that my eyes rolled back 'til I saw
the whites of yesterday. Yesterday wasn't that great. I kind of blew
my…well let's just say it was good. But not that good. I know, but I
told him that I would only kiss it a little (??). He would not take no
for an answer. While we're on the topic of "no," let's just pretend I
know how fetid that odor is…and I live with the pretense that I know
from where it originates. I feel that the smell is so intense that
[PERSON 1] is passed out right there with [PERSON 2's] pants down on
[PERSON 1's] face (don't print that on the site!). [The General] is
waiting for his turn. It was on that day that I was afraid you'd run
away. I know you won't again. But please tell and when. I don't think
I can write anymore. [The General] can just wait a 'lil more! I wanna
do it with you! My tips feel pumped with [BRAND-NAME ORAL ANESTHETIC]
(a fast-acting anesthetic used on 8 and 9 and 24 and 25) usually when.
We are correctly looking at ******** on a website. I sell dirty. And
if that doesn't smell like skanky sh#t, then I don't know what does.
You wanna suck it? |
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Random #3 |
September 8, 2004 |
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One Scenario, Two Perspectives |
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Perspective 1:
"I ?issed! I ?issed"
Bladder infections aren't
any fun.
My [UNREADABLE] feels like
fire when I push.
I push and my face turns
red.
Sh!t it hurts bad.
So I fell down and hit my
face on the toilet.
Blood streamed down my
face hotter than my f*cking bladder.
At least I pissed though.
Perspective #2:
The environment was cold
and dark. I had heard rumors of a bladder infection that was
intense…more intense than ever I could have imagine. Twice…twice I
tripped over an experimental poet as he lay passed out in the hallway
beside the Galaga machine.
"I wish I had my camera,"
she said, "for the lovely photo-op. I better get my sweatshirt."
Yes, the air was mildly
chill, but it mattered not…for I had just bashed my head violently on
the unforgiving porcelain of the bathroom's lone toilet.
"Quick and easy?" I think
not.
My smart air was numbed by
the insane meeting that was within the hot grasp of my cinnamon cookie.
To be honest, it freaked me out much in the same way as a piece of bread
or even a pretzel (or a warm glob of sexually infested peanut butter, as
suggested to me much later by an invested wise man). The wet splash on
my leg refused to dry, despite the pain of the collective crowd.
"What kind of writing is
this," I wonder. My infection is spreading to my mouth…so I do what I
can…despite the impossibility (and ultimate satisfaction) of the
situation.
I stress to you, dear
'riding reader,' that this is the rambling of an awesome and
incoherently suspended term lunatic. They flipped my chair over in 7th
grade, and I took it. Why? 'cuz I'd rather stick my leg in a box than
stick my hand *there.* Perhaps it's odd, but it's a party now…because
the sign says so. It was funny, I can't get the signal in my car.
"Showcase?" she asked me.
But I don't know what it means. She's not part of the conversation
anyhow…no matter. The party of which she speaks couldn't interest me
any less. But somebody else cried in Wisconsin. Was it Jack? That's
the rumor. Somebody else will undoubtedly thro their dirty underwear in
their face anyhow. Invigorating? "YES!"
I've been suggested that
as my rand reaches Chapter 4, that I should bring my wasted time to a
close. I'll think of roosters as I search the roof for a man in pursuit
of a chick.
"It's all your fault
anyhow," she says. Easy enough. CHECK THIS OUT. |
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Random #2 |
August 2004 |
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"My Recording Notes" by ????? |
Random
Comment? |
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1. [NAME WITHHELD] sucks my ass. No
really, he sucks.
2. [NAME WITHHELD] has "X's" for nipples.
3. Renee' says, "You know that I, know."
4. Me and [NAME WITHHELD] should be the
singer of this band :)
5. Nobody else is saying anything.
"I wish i could hear you guys."
6. My nuts itch!
7. "Oh god no I didn't like that!"
8. "I touched my rectum." -by [NAME
WITHHELD]
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Random #1 |
August 2004 |
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Invasion |
Random
Comment? |
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As told to me by a man named Coffee, who
spoke with a thick Texan accent that reminded me of a banjo…
"Did you hear what
that man on the radio was reportin'? This is a true story! He says
that the world is gonna end in a September when it's hot! The aliens
are comin' from space in their big Frisbee flying saucer UFOs, and
they're gonna' shoot their laser rays at the fault line in Guata-mole-ee
and cause major earthquakes that break the Earth in two. It's gonna' be
hot as hell, and the Earth will split down the middle and look like one
of those big 'ole donuts! All them people in Guata-mole-ee will be
roasted alive, except for everybody that the alien UFOs inducted into
their spaceships- the inducted people will live on the other half of the
donut that floats around in space. This is a true story! I done heard
it on the radio! Buh-bup!"
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